“In a Sentimental Mood”

I’m really not sure how to write this entry. So I’m just going to type and I’ll see how it ends up. As I’m writing I’m listening to some Duke Ellington’s “In a Sentimental Mood” on Spotify. It’s the kind of music that my Dad loved – actually he loved a wide range of music. He played trumpet, cornet, clarinet and a wee bit of sax, but the trumpet was always his favourite. He played in semi-pro dance bands and amateur orchestras.

He died on 10 November 2009, which is why I’m “In a Sentimental Mood”. His death wasn’t unexpected, which meant that we had some precious time with him before he died. The brain tumour impaired some of his functioning – physical and cognitive – but somehow there was a wonderful intensity to those last few weeks. Of course a lot of time was taken up with the practical task of caring for my Dad, but there were times of intimacy that I will always treasure. On several occasions I was alone with my Dad, mainly to give my Mum some respite, and we had the chance to say things that we’ve not been good at saying. I’m glad that I had the chance to tell Dad that I loved him, was proud to be his son and was incredibly grateful for all of the opportunities that he had given me (often based on sacrifices made by him and Mum).

As Dad’s health deteriorated, I got involved in aspects of his personal care. We’re not a naturally tactile family, but I was surprised how easy I found the close physical contact and how it helped me to deal with Dad’s illness.

In the end Dad died peacefully in his sleep. He was very calm the last time that I saw him alive. He couldn’t talk, in fact he was barely able to open his eyes, but he seemed totally at ease with his fate. He really did seem to be resting in peace.

I’ll write some more about Dad later.