Dealing with negativity

Talking Bear was saying something about this yesterday.  

Then, this afternoon, I started to watch a game of rugby on telly, and I found a real life case study to follow.

Leinster were playing the Scarlets.  Leinster have a very talented full-back called Rob Kearney, who was one of the stars of the British and Irish Lions tour to South Africa earlier this year.

On 25 November 2009, Kearney told the Irish Times:

“I suppose I have to be (confident),” says Kearney of his own faith. “It’s something that I try and work on. I build up in my own head a level of confidence because I find that I play my best rugby when I am and if I do doubt myself and people around me then that’s when things start to go wrong.

“Everybody has their own different techniques,” he adds, ignoring Earls’s flattering reference. “You try and relive some good games that you’ve played, the good aspects that you did that week in training; maybe you made some good tackles. You try and put all these things together and slowly but surely it will manifest in your head that you’ve trained really well this week and you are prepared for the task ahead.”

And in today’s Irish Times:

The sight of Kearney jumping to pluck the ball out of the air as masses of opponents descend upon him as become of the sporting year’s true defining images. While he’s been delighted with this aspect of his game for the last good while it’s only good “until I start dropping them”.

“But that’s a confidence thing too as well. When a ball is kicked up and you think to yourself I haven’t dropped one of these in a while then you wouldn’t have any negative thoughts in your head.”

So how did he play in the game against Scarlets?

In the first 20 minutes he dropped three high balls.  After 65 minutes he allowed the ball to bounce in front of him, rather than trying to catch it.  The problem is that a rugby ball is oval, and the bounce isn’t always predictable and it sailed over his head, was collected by an opponent who scored a try.

But… he scored a try in the 7^th minute; and another in the 22^nd minute; and in the second half added his weight to a colleague’s backside to help him score a try!  Also, in the second half he took two high balls in his normal comfortable, confident style (although he did make a couple of other mistakes).

All in all - a mixed performance.  So the question is, which events form this afternoon’s match will make his highlight reel?

I guess that he’ll remember the good stuff, but I also guess that his coach will be giving him some extra practice sessions catching high balls!

One final thought.  After he allowed the ball to bounce over his head, one of the television commentators said something like:

‘He’s so much better when he’s attacking the ball.  These little chinks come in when he waits for it.’

I wonder of that can be said of some of our efforts in other walks of life?

Somehow to forget myself

This morning I was reflecting on the story of Jesus' arrest, Peter's swordplay and denial - and was struck by something that I read in the WordLive material:

"Jesus wanted Peter to be a witness, not a defender."

The more I thought about this, the more I realised that it's so much easier for me to live reactively, defensively, defending-ly (as Peter did) than to adopt the proactive, giving, accepting way of Jesus.

Then I read today's entry over at Living Wittily and was struck by this section from Elizabeth Jennings poem:

"Teach me how you love and have to die
And I will try

Somehow to forget myself and give
Life and joy so dead things start to live."

With help, we can make positive choices, even though we are aware of our own intrinsic frailty. I guess that in many ways it's about demonstrating the difference between knowing Jesus and knowing about him.

The Christmas party dilemma

Every year it happens to me. I agree to go to the office Christmas party. Why? Well, to be honest, simply out of a sense of duty. After all, I’m the boss and it’s important to be seen at these things.

Then the day of the party comes around and I really don’t want to go, and I promise to myself that next year I’m definitely NOT going. There are some convincing reasons why I shouldn’t go – it’s an additional commute only at the weekend; it disrupts family time; since I’m driving, I don’t drink – which means that I see and remember things more clearly than most of the others.

But really these are just excuses, as I attempt to justify my future non-attendance to myself.

Does the attendance of the boss boost morale or put a damper on the enjoyment of others? I don’t know – maybe a bit of the former. But for my staff group the latter seems to be completely irrelevant, which is great!

So, last might I duly went, and had a fairly good time. The food was mediocre, and the behaviour was boisterous. But I’m glad I went, and I did enjoy myself – staying much longer than I had intended at the start of the evening.

I consider myself to be very fortunate to have the staff group that I do. All of the teams mingled freely during the evening, there was much laughter and fun, three people who left us during the year came back for the party, and I didn’t feel like too much of a party-pooper.

It’ll be interesting to hear some of the tales on Monday, although I recognise that I will only hear the edited highlights!

Will I go next year? Almost certainly. Who knows I might even try to forget that i'm the boss, and just have some (sober) fun!

spring wildfowers

All on Moncrieffe Hill

Six word memoir

I want to play. I'm voluntarily joining in with Lucy's tag thing! My memoir (at least for today):

Seeing things positively. Still challengingly restless.

Please play - if you want to!

The promise of spring

I've always liked spring - with the sense of hope and vitality that it brings. This year it seems to me that spring lasted a long time (which is a good thing). The first snowdrops appeared in our garden in late January, and as I write we still have a crop of daffodils mixed in with our tulips and other things. The herbaceous plants that died off last autumn are unfurling their leaves, and generally things look not too bad.

That is, it doesn't look too bad if you look at the garden with a positive disposition. This brings me back to my theme of optimism and pessimism. Pessimistically, there are weeds sprouting everywhere, the lawn is mainly moss, the veg patches are weeks behind schedule, compost corner needs some serious attention etc, etc.

This year that's not the picture that sticks in my mind. Now I see the curled up hosta leaves preparing to spread and amaze; I see the dogwood coming into flower for the first time since we planted it; I see the ornamental bed that we planted up last year really taking shape; I see the rampant rhubarb; and also the berries beginning to form on the blackcurrant bushes (must remember to net them soon, before the birds have a feast!).

What has changed? To be honest, the garden hasn't changed much - it's always a mixture of fruitfulness and the promise of ever more hard work; order and mess; achievement and disaster. I think I'm looking at it in a different way. This is the first spring that I've had my new camera, so I'm literally looking at life through a different lens. It's the first year that I've been blogging, so I'm looking at things from another perspective. But I think that the real change is summed up by Lins' comment on, my recent post. I'm trying to be more positive in outlook.

Aye, I know, I can still be as grumpy as the grumpiest person in grumpy-land; and as cycnical as the most cynical person in cynic city, but I'm trying to look for the positive in every situation.

With this in mind, I was delighted to find this in an e-mail that I received recently:

Why does spring have such a powerful attraction? This may, of course, be mainly a feature of seasons in the earth’s temperate zones. Yet it does speak of resurrection, new life, regeneration and renewal, of the dormant brought out into exuberant life. And our delight in spring is a delight in a new earth washed clean, a promise of a new heaven and a new earth that will be both glorious and familiar. And also, I hope, a delight in love! Praise him!

- Margaret Killingray (LICC)

As a kind of celebration, I'm going to post some more spring photos over the next week or so - some from our garden, some from walks - all from this year. I've started with my favourite daffodil (don't know what it's called) from our garden.

Ya beauty-y-y-y!!!!!

How good was that?

Awesome or what?

Passionate and gutsy - aye, we expect that!

Clever tactics, clinically executed - that's new, but very welcome.

In case you haven't guessed I'm talking about today's rugby:

Scotland 15 - England 9

Epic!!!

I'm going to lie down somewhere now to calm down a bit.

The challenge of maintaining momentum

In many ways this epitomised my week... then I came across this -

"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it."

Pablo Picasso

So I will start the new week with renewed hope and an image to cling on to.

The magic of an inconvenient moment

Sometimes we're so busy rushing around that we fail to notice what is going on around us.

On Tuesday night as I was driving home from work, I was stopped at a set of temporary traffic lights. My initial reaction was one of mild irritation - I wanted to get home not sit here in the middle of nowhere. Then I looked around me and saw the sun setting behind some trees. For once I had my camera handy, so took a couple of snaps. They weren't great, but they give a flavour of what was happening. I'm not sure what the other drivers were thinking as I poked the lens out of the window!

The rest of my journey was calmer, as I considered how lucky I was to have been stopped at that set of temporary traffic lights.

These young people should be headline news

I've copied the title for this blog from Random Mum. I spent a large chunk of yesterday at the same event and was blown away by the talent, energy and commitment of the young people and their instrumental tutors etc.

There were several highlights:

As a proud dad watching Dolly D playing with two orchestras, and winning the string orchestra competition against the local rival school - for the gazillionth year in a row!

Hearing Perth Youth Orchestra playing to near professional standards - you should see them if you get the chance. I would have paid proper money to hear them. (Yesterday cost me £4.00 for over 4 hours of entertainment!)

Perth Academy Swing Band - playing the music that my dad loves, but more importantly and impressively the group is led and directed by one of the pupils. Amazing - he plays sax with the swing band and is the lead clarinetist with PYO!

A fantastic, uplifting day thanks to a huge number (literally hundreds) of young people, who we can rightly be proud of.

A vision to inspire

I listened to a really good sermon today - by Nicky Gumbel of Holy Trinity Brompton. I hesitated about blogging about it, but given the title of my blog I thought it was kind of appropriate.

It's about 45 minutes long, and I found the second part to be really exciting and energising. It's the type of vision that we need for our churches today.

"I don't want you to be put off by the scale of this vision, in which you're involved."

If only ...

You can find the sermon here.

Small acts, big impact

On the way home from work yesterday, I stopped in town to do some shopping. My first port of call was a high street chain shop. They had what I was looking for, but only in a pre-packaged set that included stuff that I didn’t really want. Nobody asked if they could help or offered any form of assistance – even though the shop was fairly quiet and there were at least two members of staff hanging around, apparently doing nothing. I left… dissatisfied and without making a purchase.

Then I went to a small specialist shop (where I should have gone in the first place!). There were a few people in the shop, and only one person serving, but somehow it didn’t seem to matter. There was a nice, relaxed atmosphere and no sense of hurry – each customer got the level of attention that they required.

The customers before me – a mother and her daughter of about 11 – paid for their goods and went away, leaving me as the only customer in the shop. I asked the woman who was serving for some advice, and as she started to explain the options, the mother came rushing back in with her daughter. Full of apologies she explained that her daughter had lifted a small article, and shortly after leaving the shop had reminded her mother that they hadn’t paid for it. There was clearly no intention to steal the item, just an absent-minded moment. I was heartened that the girl herself had spotted the mistake and was honest enough to draw it to her mother’s attention. The shop assistant dealt with it calmly and efficiently, without any sense of annoyance.

Then I had her undivided attention. She explained the options, suggested that I should avoid the more expensive articles, and highlighted the most suitable bargains. She didn’t show any impatience with my daft questions. As I was paying she went off to get a leaflet for me, explaining the range of products that were available if I wanted to make any further purchases in the future.

The result – a happy customer, who will go back there as the first choice in the future.

Small acts, making a big impact. There’s a lesson for the high street shop if they can be bothered and there’s also a parable in there waiting to get out!

A new dawning

I thank God for the sky yesterday morning. It wasn't the most spectacular sunrise, in many ways it was barely noteworthy. But I was attracted to it - and as the day progressed I became more and more grateful! As I reflected on it, I regained a sense of equilibrium and came back from a pretty dark place in my mind.


A new dawning
with a glimmer of hope,
a chink of light,
through a blanket of darkness

When I lift my eyes
what do I see?
Bright hope for the day
or the overcast blackness
that meets my eye?
Do I see the day’s problems
lying in wait,
or the opportunities before me?

Can my hope outweigh my disillusion?

And even if the dark clouds
fill the day,
I will cling on to that promise of light
and think what tomorrow might bring,
with a new dawning.

The answers always ...

I heard a song on the radio tonight (The Joyful Kilmarnock Blues by The Proclaimers), which contains the fantoosh lyrics:

The question doesn't matter

The answers always "Aye"

The best view of all

Is where the land meets the sky

I see two problems with this quotation:

1 - my answer is more often "Aye, right!" (meaning "No!")

2 - in this beautiful land of ours there are places where the land doesn't meet the sky - flood water meets the sky.

Well, at least I can do something about one of those issues!

Confidence, competence and comfort zones - the prequel

Some further thoughts on the use of talents, and particularly in relation to the role of leaders. In all walks of life, it seems to me that one of the most important role that a leader can play is to spot and develop talents. I’m not simply referring to the concept of ‘succession planning’. Rather, I’m talking about maximising the contribution that every individual makes to the endeavour. Sometimes this is easy, as talent simply emerges in the ordinary activities. At other times, close attention and careful consideration is required to spot something in the behaviour or aptitudes that an individual shows and find an appropriate way to develop it.

Of course, the initial spotting is actually the most straightforward part. The developing and nurturing is harder – finding opportunities to use the talent; providing constructive feedback to hone it; stepping aside yourself to let the other person flourish. This can be very difficult, and it can take courage and a long-term perspective to embrace this approach.

Additionally, there is an even more difficult aspect. This is when someone thinks that they are particularly gifted in an area, but you think otherwise. You have to find a way to give a clear but tough message. As a leader you should be able to find a constructive alternative (otherwise why are they part of your set-up?), but it may take a lot of time and effort for such messages to be heard.

And finally, as a leader you should be doing this for everyone in your organisation. Your efforts shouldn’t only be focussed on the most gifted individuals, but on getting the most out of everyone. Much easier to say than to do!

Competence, confidence and comfort zones - the sequel

A week ago – almost exactly at this time – I was just sitting down after the drama/sketch thing that I was involved in as part of the Bethlehem experience.

Two thoughts have occurred and recurred since then.

Firstly, all of us have talents that can be put to use – if we’re willing. Now, I’m not saying that I’m going to rush headlong into an acting career or anything. However, I do wonder if we are conscious of under-used (or unused) talents that we have. I also wonder if we are willing to discover new talents, and then put them to use. Maybe the New Year period is an appropriate time to reflect on our gifts, and see if there are any that could be gainfully employed.

Secondly, I have been truly astonished by the encouraging feedback that I have received from people. The ministry of encouragement is one that we can all be involved in. It doesn’t cost much to tell someone that we enjoyed/ benefited/ were moved or uplifted by something that they have done, but it will mean a lot to them. On reflection, I’m often guilty of assuming that people will know how well they’ve done, and have shied away from providing feedback. Time to change I think. Positive feedback should be used lavishly; negative feedback sparingly and constructively.

I don’t do ‘New Year resolutions’, but maybe this year I’ll make an exception and resolve to be more encouraging and appreciative of the efforts of others.

A coming Christ in Advent #2 addendum

I came across an article by Charles Colson which seems to resonate with some of my ramblings of yesterday. A few quotations, but it’d probably be better to read the whole article!

“Sometimes I think Jesus' announcement of the liberation of the Jewish people and the coming of God's kingdom is as misunderstood today as it was by the Jews of his time. Christ was bringing in the reign of God on earth; first, through his own ministry, and then by establishing a peaceful occupying force - his church - which would carry on God's redeeming work until Christ's return in power and glory and the kingdom's final triumph.”

“Preoccupied with self and distracted by affluence, many Christians try to confine the gospel to a superior form of therapy; they fail to see it as a cosmic plan of redemption in which they, as fallen creatures, are directly involved.”

“Christianity won't rise or fall on whether Wal-Mart employees can say "Merry Christmas." But its future does depend, in part, on how God's people advance God's kingdom, as we help establish his peaceful rule in the present historical moment, until Christ reigns in all his glory.”

A coming Christ in Advent #2

"Wonder rather than doubt is the root of all knowledge."

Abraham Joshua Heschel

How do we apply this in Advent? Well, the wisest man that I know was preaching in our church tonight, and he said something along the following lines (my shorthand couldn't keep up, but it's true to the spirit of what was said):

If a secular society wants to turn Advent into a spending spree or festival of light in midwinter, that's their choice. And we join in. But we are called to affirm the wonder and mystery of Advent.

I was reflecting on these two thoughts and thinking that the church, and individual Christians, need to stop being negative about consumerism gone mad in Advent, and start being positive about the story of Christmas. By all means enjoy the season, but make sure that you spend time in reflection, wonder and prayer. Also, share the good news with others.

Then I came across a news story about John Sentamu, Archbishop of York. To avoid any doubt, I absolutely support his actions. His action - visual in its appeal and prophetic in its message - strikes me as an appropriate way for a Christian (whether leader or not) to express negative feeligns about something. In other words, when we choose to convey a message of opposition, make sure that the issue concerned is sufficiently important, and that the message is clear.

Wasn't a significant part of Christ's message about supporitng the poor and oppressed, rather than sooking up tae the high heid yins?

Trafficking #2

We’ve just become aware of the BMS ‘In Transit’ campaign. It’s about human trafficking, but is aimed specifically at trafficking from Albania, where it is a prevalent practice. This strikes a chord with me because our link missionaries and friends are working there, and told about some of the issues. When they first went to Albania they were based in a coastal town, and in the evening fast boats would come in to take away the human cargo – usually women and girls.

I like the way that BMS are approaching this campaign. They are asking individuals to sign postcards (it’s not too late – you can send an e-card), which states:

• Personal opposition to trafficking;
• Supports the Christians in Albania who are tackling this issue; and
• Requests that the Albanian Evangelical Alliance is invited to join the Albanian government’s anti-trafficking committee.

This seems to me to be a positive and constructive approach, as opposed to soapbox campaigning.

Obviously there are issues for us all to face up to and tackling it at source is important. To put this into perspective (for me), Dolly D would be a prime candidate for this appalling activity if we were Albanian.

There is also a need to tackle the end users – and it’s chilling to think that it’s men like me that are abusing these women. I mean, relatively rich Westerners with disposable income. Clearly there’s a role in this arena for the church in this country as well!

The memory of place #2

This first impression on entering the building was one of peace and tranquillity. As I began to take in what was before me, I recognised that the installation involved participation – if you so chose – through lighting a floating candle and placing it in the gently flowing water. The candles were then carried along towards the pillar of light (glass rods) at the other end of the church.

There was a sense of warmth and energy – not frantic energy, but something powerful – in this church building dating from the 13th century. There was also a feeling of welcome, largely due to the helpful yet unobtrusive staff. There was no pressure to participate, yet they were ready and willing to explain and assist. There was also no problem about taking photos and no need to hurry through.

What can we learn from this? There are all sorts of aspects that we could reflect on welcome, participation, submitting our small contributions to the power of the Spirit and trusting that we will flow in the right direction, maybe (for people like me) accepting the direction of flow. But for me the most memorable thing is that it was memorable – I can still recall the various aspects clearly and feel very positive as I write about it. And one more thing, having visited it on my own I was enthusiastic that the rest of my family should see it.

The publicity material for The Memory of Place says:

“… the site demands that the artist is sensitive to the church’s architectural qualities, spatial presence and historical identity.”

Maybe that’s also true for us as we attempt to shape the church in the 21st century.